It Does Not Make Me Any Less Of A Mother.

Last night I received a series of comments on a post that really set my blood boiling. I made the mistake of reading them before bed and committed myself to addressing them here on the blog this morning. Please excuse the deviation from your regularly scheduled ILYMTC word vomit.


"You're acting like it's a burden to you to have a toddler and be pregnant as well as anything related to it."


"What you have is a blessing... remind yourself of that."


"Maybe next time you want to be funny and complain about your situation, you should remind yourself how it sounds..."


Let's get something straight here. 


I love my child(ren) with every single fiber of my being. Because I occasionally wish for a "break" from them doesn't make me any less of a mother. In fact, I believe it makes me an honest mother and a better mother.


I understand that it's possible to stumble upon a post of mine, such as this one, and judge me. I understand that I may be perceived as "selfish" and "full of complaints" and "ungrateful." But really, who are you to judge me? 


I am human. I do believe I am fully entitled to feel absolutely exhausted while chasing my toddler around while simultaneously being 34 weeks pregnant. It is tiring. It is emotionally draining. It is exhausting. It is painful. 


It is the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows.


Being a mother is the hardest job I've ever had. Harder than the newspaper route I ran when I was 13 years old. Harder than working in the men's suiting department at Macy's when I was in high school. Much, much harder than administering chemotherapy, holding the hands of the dying, witnessing miracles and rejoicing with those in remission when I worked as a Bone Marrow Transplant and Chemotherapy nurse prior to becoming a mother.


That being said, would I trade it for anything in the world? Never.


Because I wish for a "break" or a "full night's sleep" does not make me selfish or insinuate that I am taking both my life and my blessings for granted. 


If you've been an avid reader of ILYMTC, which it appears you certainly are not, you would have a much clearer glimpse of who I am as a person and perhaps you might understand my "humor" better, whether or not you can appreciate it is another story. 


I don't appreciate feeling demeaned because I wish for a "break" from mothering. 


Since it appears that you're a relatively new reader around these parts, I am a twenty-eight year old "sort-of-works-from-home" mother who has endured plenty of her own struggles both in her past and in her present. Would you rather I blog about all of those? Hell no! I wouldn't waste my time blogging about them either. I'm sure you would find fault within them too. 


You are entitled to your opinion and I appreciate the time you took to share it with me. All six or seven times you attempted to publish your opinion here on my little space of the internet. You see, I read every single comment that graces this blog and I believe you made your point after the third, fourth, fifth and sixth time you attempted to submit it. 


The words "selfish" and "ungrateful" resonating time and time again as they filled my inbox. 


Would you like to know what I was doing just moments before you left those comments?


I was lying in bed next to my son, praying with him before bedtime, thanking God for blessing me with such an incredible little human (and another on the way) entrusting them in my care. I don't for a single second take that responsibility for granted.


And you think I'm selfish.


You spoke of loss in your comments. Did you know I experienced loss too? I know that pain too. I even wrote about it here. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I would never wish that pain on any one and it hurts my heart that you, a complete stranger, have endured it. 


I am human. Some days, I need a break. It does not make me any less of a mother. Any less blessed or thankful for what I have been given. So when you say that I need to be "reminded" of what a blessing I have? 


I don't need your reminder. Every day I am reminded. Even when my voice is raised and I'm on the verge of tears because The Toddler won't take a nap or won't eat his lunch or refuses to hold my hand outside. Our constantly puts himself in harm's way despite being told "no" for the 700 thousandth time. 


I am blessed. 


Please do not judge me when I say I need a break. It does not make me any less of a mother.