10 Things I Want For Mother's Day

Don't be dismayed, dear Loyals. I would never pass up a diamond or some other shiny bauble, a vacation or a full day at the spa, but let's discuss what I really want for Mother's Day this year... And no, it's not a new door.


1. Sleep. Real, tried and true, out-like-the-dead sleep. The kind that only comes with Ambien, a glass (or several) of wine and a padded room. Sadly, in my current pregnant state, Ambien and wine are off limits, so I'll take the guest room, sans baby monitor, instead. 


2. My weight in ice pops. I don't know what it is about this pregnancy but I can demolish a box of sugar-free Tropical ice pops like they're going out of style. Each night I lay on the couch with at least four of them within arm's reach and within minutes I cannot be held responsible for how quickly they were devoured. Did I say four? I meant six.


3. A vacation. Not just any vacation. A vacation from my Toddler. There, I said it. Call CPS but Mama needs a break. If it weren't for the sudden termite issue and, well, my current human-growing ability, I would have demanded somewhere warm and tropical. At this rate? I'll take a few uninterrupted hours at the Mall Food Court where I can indulge in a milkshake, Five Guys and a cinnamon pretzel all without having to venture very far. 


4. A tummy tuck. After indulging in said ice pops, milk shakes, Five Guys and cinnamon pretzels and birthing what will likely be another giant baby come June, I fear I may desperately need one of these. 


5. A "Get-Out-Of-Bedtime-Free" card. In my whiniest of voices, "Pleeeeeeease don't make me do another bedtime! I just don't wanna!" 


6. A pool. Like, tomorrow. 


7. Tickets to see Newsies on Broadway. I know, I know. This one isn't nearly as funny but I really do want to see this show and I'd like to see it before I have to worry about major abdominal surgery, engorgement, pumping/feeding, fitting my post-baby, fat-ass into respectable clothing... balancing life with two children, etc. 


8, 9 and 10. Wine. And lot's of it. And while we're at it? A TV in the bedroom. And no sex for, like, the rest of my life. Because that leads to things like pregnancy and babies. Christian Grey, you can go suck it. 


It's not really too much to ask for, right? So, Loyal Mamas out there: What do YOU want for Mother's Day?