If April Showers Bring May Flowers...

Dear Earth's Atmosphere,


Please immediately cease doing whatever it is that you are doing that is causing so much godforsaken rain. It's almost safe to say that of the 20 days we've seen in April so far, it's rained for 18 of them. And to think, Hubs was worried about me.. ME! forgetting to water all of the brand new flowers, thus bringing about their untimely death. Let's not even talk about how you've managed to drown $106.60 worth of pansies and petunias. You're lucky the strawberries are thriving. Should I even bring up the basement? And how after the first seven consecutive days of solid precipitation, you left the M household with an inch and a half of water surrounding the washer and dryer? Good thing our Landlord left us with that portable electric sump pump hooked up (that, FYI, doesn't work so well). The next time you decide to throw down upon us a deluge of rain, please remind me to tell him, OK? If you continue this ridiculous nonsense, I will be forced to purchase these:

And we both know that Hubs will not be happy. Especially since I will then need to purchase this to accompany me on dog walks:

So please, I'm open for negotiation. Don't listen to Sullivan. I know he begs and pleads with you for weather like this, but that's only because he's an 8 month old sheepdog and doesn't know any better. He eats toilet paper for goodness sakes! I'll do almost anything if you please make it stop raining!

Sincerely,

Ashley Paige