The Great Jeans Fiasco of 2K9.

Speaking from years of personal experience, shopping for jeans is almost as fun as a trip to the dentist for a root canal without anesthesia. (Not that I've ever had to undergo a root canal, with or without anesthesia, but if I had to guess, it must be pretty downright awful!). Dare I say it, but I might even enjoy bathing suit shopping more so than shopping for the perfect pair of jeans. Yes, you heard me.


Just thinking about having to dig through rack upon rack of indigo and dark wash and then schlep said indigo and dark wash into a fitting room gives me a headache.


Is this blue too dark? That one looks purple.

I could definitely do that with a straight edge razor and safety scissors. With my eyes shut.

Faded denim went out with the 80's.

These have butt pockets. With flaps?

Butt pockets? I am so anti butt pockets with flaps.

Especially when snaps are involved.

Is that strategically placed grafitti? Oh, hell no.




My inseam is 34". All of those cute, popular pairs of jeans with the 31" inseam are floodpants on me. I might as well be out working in the rice paddies. And unfortunately, I was in the market for a pair of casual everyday jeans that I could pair with cute flats (or one of the umpteen pairs of gladiator sandals that I now have my eye on).


So, as I was saying.. After the disappointment that was JCREW, Hubs and I headed over to Nordstrom to check out some denim.



Hubs: I don't understand why you need another pair of jeans.
AP: Well, if none of your jeans fit you, would need a new pair of jeans, too.
Hubs: Why don't you bring them to the tailor?
AP: Because it's expensive and it takes too long. I just want a new pair of Sevens, just like the ones I'm wearing now. However, I would like a pair that I cannot pull off without unbuttoning them. Thats the sign for "IT'S TIME FOR NEW JEANS!"
Hubs: What-e-v.. OH MY GOD. Those aren't really $200.00.
AP: Babe, that's just how much nice jeans cost.
Hubs: Ok. Well, all of those jeans in your closet that don't fit anymore? We're hocking on eBay.
AP: Don't say that! I know you love how some of those jeans look on me- so isn't that just more of an incentive to buy a new pair?
Hubs: I could love you in a pair of jeans from Marshalls. Why don't you just go there? Jordache? Levi? I hear they make good jeans.
AP: It's not the same. When a girl finds a pair of jeans she loves, there's no turning back. Did you just say "Jordache?" Ew.


Let's just say that this continued every. single. time. that I picked up a pair of jeans. The only respite I could find was while I was hoarding jeans in the fitting room, stressed to the max and absolutely disgusted by almost every pair that I tried on.

Finally, after having tried on what felt like 47 pairs of jeans (but in reality must've been more like 9 or 10 pairs) I exited the fitting room and slumped down in the chair next to Hubs, who truly was waiting rather patiently. I was determined to find a pair of jeans before leaving. Hubs, however, had other ideas.

Hubs: No luck?
AP: No luck.
Hubs: Ready to get of here?
AP: No! I didn't find any jeans! And this isn't very much fun for me.
Hubs: Well, I don't see how spending this much money on a pair of PANTS could be!
AP: No, I mean, well. I'm not enjoying this experience. I can't shop with you. You're making me crazy!
Hubs: So, what? You want me to come back and pick you up?
AP: What am I? Thirteen? Are you my Dad? Dropping me off at the mall with my friends?
Hubs: I'll run to Costco, buy some steaks and you can go into all the stores you want.
AP: Be back in an hour?
Hubs: One hour.
AP: Don't forget me?
Hubs: Hurry up.


So there I was. Left standing outside of the food court, feeling a little bit like one of those tweeny-boppers whose parent just dropped them off at the mall. You remember those days, with enough money for a Cinnabon and couple of shirts from the Gap? I was sad to see Hubs go, but secretly excited to retrace my steps through JCREW and the jeans department of Nordstrom. Feeling a little less.. flustered.

In Hubs' defense, he really did try to be a good sport about it. If I were him, I'm sure I wouldn't want to pal around the mall with my wife while she tried on a million pairs of jeans either. So Hubs, I'm sorry I put you through that. And the next time I try to convince you to head to the mall with me? Just tell me to go read my blog.


PS: In the end, it was a success. I ended up buying the Garland Cami in White Sand (on sale for 59.00, Hubs!) and a brand spankin' new pair of Joes Jeans. As a true lover of my Sevens and my Citizens, I cannot say I am a convert, although I'll definitely be wearing these babies out to Happy Hour on Friday!